There are too many to count and list
by The Ice Within
Summary: There are too many to count and list. You hurt me. You angered me. You broke me. You left me only with one wing.


He was the biggest idiot she ever met. The most stubborn, biggest hothead she ever imagined she'll come across. Yet, he was also the sweetest, most caring flock member she'll ever wish to be with, to have.

It was he who stayed with her when the rest of the Flock voted for her to leave. It was he who always stayed by her side and been her right-hand man for as long as she had remembered. It was he who comforted her when they were locked away in their cages. It was he who stood up and snarled at the Whitecoats when they banged on her cage. It was he who lent a hand when she was too weak to stand up herself. It was he…

There were too many to count and list.

She often lay awake at night, thinking. Thinking about how special it was when he smiled his rare smile. Thinking about how true and warm his eyes always were when they landed on her. Thinking about how comforting it was when he squeezed her hand to let her know he was always there, supporting the choices she made. Thinking about…

There were too many to count and list.

But he was also the person, the boy that broke her heart the most. When he glared at her at times she needed the most support and comfort. The times when he just made fun of her because he was angry with her.

But the most heart-breaking thing she could encounter was when he left. Not only that, but when he left and flirted with her greatest enemy- Max II. That _idiot._

It was Max II that took away her right-hand man, her best friend, her most loyal flock member. It was Max II that made him go away, to never come back and never care about her. It was Max II that took away the best opportunities she could have had with him, hugging and comforting. It was Max II that was able to feel the pleasure of being with him, when he brushed the stray hairs out of her face. It was Max II that felt safe, because she knew that when she was in danger _he _would come and save her, no matter what. It was Max II…

There were too many to count and list.

And because Max II took away all those things, it left her with nothing, yet everything.

She was left watching over the Flock- obnoxious, troublesome- alone. She was left watching from the corner as Max II's lips brushed against his. She was left cowering in the corner when the Eraser appeared, and she knew he wouldn't come. She was left heartbroken at the edge of the street, seeing him comforting Max II when she was left in the burning house. She was left alone…

There were too many to count and list.

She couldn't think of his name. She couldn't bear to hear his name. She couldn't say that heart-wrenching name. She couldn't read that _traitor's _name.

He broke her. He took away all her trust; she'll never be able to trust anyone anymore. After all, the person who she trusted most betrayed her, how could she trust?

When she read that _idiot's_ letter, she had cried. She didn't want to believe it. She wished nothing were true. But she had read it out and seen the rest of the Flock's tears, so she knew, deep inside, that all was true. That the next morning, no one would be there to scare her out of her wits by walking silently behind her. She would never hear those lame yet comforting jokes. She will never feel his presence; she knew that he wouldn't be there, not anymore.

That idiot gave her the best day of her life, walking down that red carpet together. She had been so sure that forever would start at that moment that their love would start. He had told her she was beautiful, and she thought he was handsome, as usual. When they walked down the aisle, hands entwined together, she felt so happy, so proud of having him by her side. She shrugged it off when he said he wanted to go back first, he was tired, she mused. When she brought the cake to him, he was gone.

_Gone! _She had screamed inside.

At that time, she had only felt guilt, sadness and anger.

Guilt. She felt guilt because she didn't have the courage and time to tell him how much she cared, how much she loved. She had felt guilt because she had hurt his feelings before- countless times. She had felt guilt because she felt it was all her fault. She had felt guilt because she knew she wouldn't be able to get him back, to find him. She had felt guilt because she was the reason he was so sad. She had felt guilt because…

There were too many to count and list.

Sadness. She felt so sad, so torn. She felt like one of her wing was broken. Did he even think when he left? He said they'll be in danger when he's there, but at least she had two wings; now, with him gone, she only have one, how is she even going to _fly?_

She wanted to wail, to cry out until he responded. She wanted to throw out her wings and fly to let him see her cry, to let him wipe away the tears for her.

She felt sad because she knew that the next day, he wouldn't be there for her. She felt sad because she knew that the next time she tried to make breakfast, he wouldn't be there to gag. She felt sad because she knew that the next time she gets a deep gash in the stomach, no one would carry her to safety. She felt sad because she knew that he just wouldn't be there anymore. She felt sad because…

There were too many to count and list.

Anger. She felt angry because he had hurt her. She felt angry because he betrayed her. She felt angry because he cared about that idiot Max II more than her now. She felt angry because he made her feel happy this second, and then the next, he stabbed her in the back. She felt angry because he not only left her, but also brought one of her wings with him, soaked with blood and tears. She felt angry because she was angry. She felt angry because…

There were too many to count and list.


End file.
